It's been a while!
I really hate starting with that–and I hate having started with that so often in the history of this blog.
I just…haven't felt like I've had much to write about. Part of that was taking on a new job at the beginning of last month, which put me at just about full-time between all of my jobs. What a transition! It hasn't been bad, really. It's been tough, sure, and an adjustment, but I really love it. It's a good job. But between the new job and my other jobs, there have been lots of little good moments (and lots of irritating, frustrating ones, too!) but nothing big enough that I wanted to write a whole post about it.
But good grief it's been a long time since I wrote anything here.
And I think those little moments are worth celebrating and cherishing–and isn't that what I wanted to do here, in this space? find the good and beautiful and God in the routines and small moments of life? So let's take a moment–let's celebrate all the tiny things that being us joy. For me, that's been:
- Walking to work. It's a tiny way to make space for myself, and I love it.
- My new friend.
- Going to the park. I live right by one, and I've finally rediscovered that is a great place to go to read or get some work done.
- Beautiful sunsets. Enough said, right?
- Work. Definitely not every day–but there's something beautiful about seeing a task be completed, and being the one working towards that. There's something wonderful about having a clearly defined goal.
- Crocheting. I've been crocheting more lately and loving it! I find it such a soothing way to spend an hour or two.
- Writing. Surprising no one but myself, developing a regular writing habit has been giving me so, so much joy. (Perhaps this is a post for another time, but why do we so vehemently avoid the parts of life that give us the most joy?)
- Rain. We've had so much rain here I've the past month, and I love it. It's my favorite weather, full of such beauty and potential.
What about you? What small things have you been loving?
Lately I’ve been craving quiet. I don’t necessarily mean lack of noise; I mean more a lack of technological noise, a space to think. Sometimes that has looked like a lack of noise, turning off podcasts and music and videos for a bit to just be. Sometimes it’s looked like reading a book instead of watching something. Sometimes it’s looked like going for a walk.
It surprised me. I haven’t been avoiding things by drowning them out with TV marathons. I haven’t been shoving them into games I didn’t really want to play. I’ve been listening to a lot of podcasts, but those are about learning and listening, not avoiding. I guess I forgot that they’re still noise. There’s still beauty and space in quiet, even when I’m filling my quiet with good things.
So I read a book. I went for a walk, and instead of putting a podcast on just observed. I thought about my upcoming sermon, and bumble bees, and summer plans, and poetry. It wasn’t frantic; everything slowed down in a way that normally only writing can accomplish.
I’m not going to make promises I won’t keep and say that I’m going to always look for more quiet now. But it’s been really nice, and I hope I can keep seeking out the quiet in my life. I hope I can be a little less frantic and hit pause sometimes.
As I prepare to graduate, and as I approach the date with no long-term plans for afterwards, I find myself thinking about my writing. My prospects are slim for getting a job straight out of my summer internship, and one goal I have is to make writing more than a hobby. More than something I do in odd moments and only for myself.
That goal feels so far away. The viewing numbers of this blog are pathetic. My novels are all half-written at best. The list of publications I’ve been paid to write for is nowhere close to becoming a double-digit number. The money I make from writing is barely a trickle.
Yet, when I list my writing achievements to others, they are always impressed, even enthusiastic. “That’s so amazing!” they say, with utter sincerity, and “You could do far worse than the places you’ve been published in so far.”
I have accomplished something as a writer. Sure, there’s more to do, more I’d like to do–always–but I have written pieces and reached goals that are worth celebrating. Sure, I haven’t reached the point where I could live off of my writing, but I do make money, and I’ve worked hard and reached so many mile marks in the past year alone. Having farther I’d like to go doesn’t mean I haven’t already come far. I can be proud of what I’ve accomplished so far but still have more that I dream of doing.
So, that’s where I am right now: proud of what I’ve accomplished, but dreaming and planning and writing still.
I’ve been following Five Minute Friday for a while, trying to get up the courage to do the freewrite and link my blog up. Expose it to the world. Today being the day is reason enough to celebrate! Not sure where the courage came from–except I am, of course, for my God is the source of all good things. That is another reason to celebrate. There are so many.
Even as there also are so many to not celebrate. Reasons, that is. The world is hard and broken and full of sin and sh*t like child prostitution and shootings and children being arrested for clocks and so much more. How do we celebrate in the midst of that?
We celebrate by looking forward, looking up. It may feel premature to celebrate what isn’t totally here yet, but Jesus came. Already here. Not yet. We celebrate by being Christ to others, fighting against that sin and darkness. Maybe by sitting with someone in their darkness. Maybe by doing nothing. God’s funny like that.
And that’s my Five Minute Friday for today. Worth it.